He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
