How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
