It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
