I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
