Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
