Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
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