I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
two words: eviction party
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
