My first STD was from a foam party
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
