At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
