I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I think we might need a safe word for this...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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