so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
