the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I need a burrito and a hug.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
