shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
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Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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