I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
