I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
