I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Sorry my hands just texted you
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
