so that wasnt chicken after all
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
