Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
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Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
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Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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