It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
