Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
