I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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