wanna go halves on a baby?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
