hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
