I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
