o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
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