Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
