Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
