Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
