you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
