Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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