I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
