dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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