Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
