he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
