I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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