So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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