you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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