Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
