She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The uberlube is also flammable
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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