Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
