so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
