i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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