come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
