The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
