God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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