so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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