Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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