i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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