stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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