After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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