Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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