I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
