My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
