I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
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My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
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LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
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