Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
