Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
