remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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