you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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