we're making bets on your personal life
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
