worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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