u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
birth control should be required to get into college
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize