she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
birth control should be required to get into college
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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