It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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