I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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