If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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