Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
