Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just gift wrapped bread.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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