I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
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Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
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I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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