where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
