the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Randomize
