if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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