I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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